There's a void...the void...a black hole. This time the blackhole is not the closet filled with the unknown. This time it's the black hole of emptiness, and missing. Someone, something is missing. It didn't take long for the patterns, habits, the early beginnings of a relationship to develop. One was the early ‘good morning’ call followed by the late in the afternoon call that was a real conversation. That's what I miss. These calls bookmarked the day. Now they're not there, the guy or the ‘good morning’. Do I miss him? Of course. Will I survive? That's not the question.
What's to replace the ‘good morning’ call? Replacing isn't the question either. The issue is to understand what happened; how did we get here? My idea is not to fill-up with just "whatever". First I dislike the "whatever". It's lazy and unconsidered. I swim, I write, I meditate, I enjoy my home. I reconnect with my world. I get back to drawing. Drawing is a more difficult exercise to get back to. It requires time and intention to do so. It is a place to put the unknown. The future what? It's another place to go to explore with intention, without blame, or disappointment.
Life goes on even when it hurts and there's a gaping hole. I have room to do the things that got set aside I rearrange the molecules. And I still wake up in the morning and know that the phone isn't ringing....until it is again!
Jill Butler
author, illustrator
Create The Space You Deserve
www.jillbutler.com
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